God did amazing things!!

Okay, background:

The messages I heard at New Attitude 2007 changed my life, but not during that weekend. Let me explain. When I went to New Attitude 2007 I was into a very negative music scene (see my 2 first posts), I did not want to be there and I was very depressed and suicidal. While at NA 07 I felt God calling me to give all of that up and follow him. I was not obedient to that command for a very long time and I entered one of the darkest, godless times of my life. Through my care group and the faithfulness of God, and intense struggle, God had allowed me to take the beginning steps to kill this sin in my life.

Fast forward to NA 08. I felt God reminding me of his faithfulness. Last year, I hated being there, this year I went with anticipation. God had so much in store for me!! Last year, I couldn’t worship because I was focused on myself. This year I was excited to praise my God, I never wanted it to end, and was moved to tears on an almost regular basis. I was most struck by a pattern in the lyrics. A common theme was the fact that if God hadn’t moved, I would never follow him. That was so true in my life!!! He reached into the depths of my depression and pulled me out, kicking and screaming, to bring me to Himself. How kind of Him, to save me, a sinner! If not for him, I wouldn’t be here, as I already had specific plans to end my life. I’m so incredibly amazed that God would want to save me, not for what I’ve done, but because He chose me. Glory be to God because it all belongs to him!!

While at NA 08, I could finally feel God’s presence again. You see, I have always been afraid of getting close to God, specifically of hearing from him in supernatural ways. At a young age, God blessed me with a few prophecies, as well as allowing me to speak in tongues. Through my sinful fear, I asked God to give me space because I thought all of this was too much for me. Running from God’s presence eventually caught up with me and I’m now trying, by his grace, to run towards him. This has involved working towards giving up my fear and trusting in him. This is a hard step for me, but I feel God moving me towards this. My sisters encouraged me to stop fearing God. They pointed out to me how silly that is. I mean, think about it, really think about it. That is such a false thing to feel. God is my salvation. Look at all he’s done for me. As it says in Romans(8:32): If he did not spare his Only Son, how will He not also with Him, graciously give us all things. What do I have to fear? I have the Almighty God on my side!! Well, I felt God returning my gifts to me, he laid a burden on my heart that one of my friends was struggling with something, so, with his strength, I stepped out in faith and asked her. I shouldn’t have doubted God, because this impression was right and I had the privilege of praying for her, as well as another friend of mine! How great is His faithfulness!!

I was also extremely blessed to talk with my friend Bethany Davis. (You can read her story on her blog: http://notwsetapart.wordpress.com/). We share a common burden to do great things for the Lord, to proclaim his name in nontraditional, very specific ways.  As she was sharing her burdens, I got a specific impression, and, once again, it was what she was feeling. I felt so blessed to be able to share all of this with her! To share my crazy ideas, my crazy ways I want to reach the world for Christ. (I don’t know if I want to share them with the world yet, maybe eventually…). I feel God wants to use me, as he wants to use all of us, and I feel very excited and lucky to be able to proclaim his name for his glory.

So, as I left NA, as I looked back, I was overwhelmed with God’s kindness, and excited to follow him. I was also aware that I could definitely go back home and forget it all, how easy (but hard in the end) it could be to not apply any of it. But I remember how life changing last year’s messages were and I can’t wait to experience that type of grace again. So, I want to apply all I learned, I want to seek accountability to change, and I want to grow closer to my amazing Savior!!

What did YOU learn at NA 08? Please, I want to hear your story!